Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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