I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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