Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
