we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
