so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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