I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
