I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
