So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
