Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
