Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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