Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize