uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
