Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
