The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
