Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
