My hand turned me down
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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