New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
