so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
