There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
