i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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