i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
