garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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