The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize