I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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