You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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