Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
