I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
