just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
