My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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