You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
