My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
