before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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