You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
