apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
