My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
