I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
