just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
