I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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