Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
