I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
