Just cropdusted the office
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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