Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
