that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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