I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
