I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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