please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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