My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
