i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
