If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
