i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
