It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
