dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
