At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
