nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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