new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
