Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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