I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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