did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
