You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
