Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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