community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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