THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
