I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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