You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
