You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
