I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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