Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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