It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
