Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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