I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didn't shave. On purpose
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize