Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
