My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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