maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
