I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
