Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
